Mother Nature On Trial


Rising star lawyer Justin Case just brought a class-action suit against Mother Nature on the grounds of violation of several State and Federal laws. The warrant was issued on the following grounds:
  • Violation of numerous Anti-Trust Laws; It is well known, said Case, that Mother Nature holds a total monopoly on the supply and maintenance of all things natural, allowing for no competition whatsoever.
  • Violation of several FAA regulations; none of Nature's avian creatures fly in FAA-regulated pathways, often posing a flagrant danger to lawfully flying aircraft.
  • FCC regulations violations; specifically, emissions by bats and dolphins of unregulated high-frequency tones.
  • Refusal of FDA inspectors into animal feeding areas in the wild.
  • Several counts of violation of sanitation laws by birds releaving themselves on public walkways.
  • Failure to comply with State and Federal polution laws and Emissions Standards by volcanic events.
  • Several local traffic laws broken by innumerable small animals crossing public highways in dangerous and illegal manners.
  • Innumerable counts of Indecent Exposure in all parts of the wild.
  • Failure to comply with FDA testing procedure for new pharmacuticals before growing them out in the wild; the making publically available so-called "natural" drugs which should obviously be available by prescription only.
  • Uncounted cases of murder, rape, and the violation of personal rights all in the name of "survival of the fitest" and the "law of the wild".
  • And violations of other laws and statutes too numerous to name.

Mr. Case says that the case against Mother Nature is quite strong and that such a flagrant and violent criminal should be vigorously prosecuted and sentenced to the full extent of the law.

The warrant has been issued and officers are ordered to arrest Mother Nature on sight should she ever be spotted. The public is assured that she will be incarcerated with all due speed.