My More Tongue In Cheek Resume

Below is a personal resume of some of my more non-job oriented activities in a humorous (to some) attempt to show that I haven't been completely wasting my time in life. If you don't believe any of it then your loss and I hope you had a good chuckle; if you do believe it all then please consider it a job application because all of it is true.

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Education:

• MS/BS Physics
• BS Math
• Certificates Laser Electro-optics, and electronics

Job History:

• Little to none

Theorizing History (many details left out):

• age 2: Started learning basic arithmetic.
• age 11: Thought up how a flat-screen TV could be designed; many years later, Sinclair used it before everyone went off into LCD screens.
• age 14: Thought of how UFOs worked (based solely on the fact that they are seen to change color before zipping off).
• age 16: began theorizing on how to circumvent speed of light, also on origin of universe, and unified field theory. Figured out what Quasars really are.
  Figured out how the Pyramids in Egypt were made.
  Came up with a new idea for encrypting things; it needed a computer I didn't have so shelved it for a while.
  
• ~age 19: finished unified field theory then, went a few steps further and answered some questions not yet asked; proved gravity NOT due to curved space. Vague theory on Time.
  Theories covering alternate universes, creation of universe (and what happened before it; predicted that universe should be lumpy and not homogeneous as everyone at the time was saying it should be), connection between gravity and magnetism, nature of particles (and hence proving all of Particle Physics as a complete waste of time), universal constants as variables that vary with universe.
  
• age 20: combined theories of cration of universe(s) with unified field theories to come up with Creation Theory of Matter-Energy and ultimate Theory of Everything
  
• ~age 21-22: as got the first BS in Physics, was able in classes to confirm that I was right about all these things, even foreseeing such things as the speed of spin being the speed of light before even learning what spin was, able to calculate the deflection by the sun of a passing photon due to gravity without using Einstein's equations and theories, etc. Finished fleshing out Creation Theory.
• age 30: Got that MS in Physics; all my theories are still right.
• age ~34: Dusted off that old encryption algorithm (now that I had a computer and C++ compiler) and cranked out a program in a couple of days. Phoenix Code is the result (Fractal encryption algorithm with an evolving effectively infinite equation set).
• age 39: Summed up thousands of years of philosophical ponderings on just how to designate Right from Wrong into a logic equation.
• age 43: Figured out how a star gets started from a condensing gas cloud, and it's not what current theorists say (and with less equations). Also figured out another hole in the old Big Bang theory and this one's REALLY huge.

Writing History:

• ~age 22-24: having finished solving all of Physics, started in with writing the ultimate role playing game system; proceeded to tinker with it over time while unsuccessfully job hunting.
• ~age 30-31: completed RPG system, began writing a few short stories and gearing up for first Fantasy novel that had been thinking of over the previous years.
• age 34: Started up on actually writing that epic fantasy series; also a few other short stories from time to time.
• ~age 35: while talking with someone about PGP, happened to remember about that encryption code idea from high school and started work on it again; in 2 days finished writing the encryption and decryption routines for it. A couple of years later realized it was actually a fractal encryption algorithm with an inifinite equation set. Managed to hang a mainframe supercomputer getting it tested.
• age 42: Finished Book 13 of my epic fantasy series but as yet unpublished. Am told it beats everyone else's but agents/publishers won't even look at me because I AM unpublished. Also got some stories in about a guy named Inspector Flaatphut.
• age 43 (end March, beginning April 2004): Starting a new series of books: Cyberdawn. Just a small epic this time.
• age 45 (June 2006): Finished said small epic; came out to a solid 5 book series, each of around 250,000 to 350,000 words. I guess kinda short by my standards.
• October 2006: I signed on with an actual publisher!!! Maldene is now published.
• October 2009: Got back into writing after my mother passed away and finished the first of two Maldene Origins books. Came in at around 360,000 words.
• March 2010: Finished the second Maldene Origins book. Only about 275,000 words.